Homeless Bastards Scare Me

Despite having nothing going for them, I find that most homeless people are TREMENDOUS conversationalists.

As I was riding my bike to work, I ran into a group of homeless men on an abandoned bridge. One of them, with a beer in his hand, hollered “Where do you work?”

I felt uncomfortable admitting that I owned a business. I worried that one of them might ask me for a job, then I’d have to tell them “no.” So I just told them I worked downtown.

The angriest fella aggressively asked “Do they pay cash the same day?” I said, “no they don’t … sorry.” Then he exclaimed there was NO WAY he was going to work anywhere that doesn’t pay cash the same day. I was a bit scared after that.

Regardless, out of concern for my safety — I tightened my backpack straps — I needed an immediate exit strategy from this conversation.

My heart goes out to all people in struggle … when I’m in a safe space like my home. But when I am vulnerable on the streets, I am an “expect the best, but be prepared for the worst” kind of guy. The root of that, I realize, stems from having seen too many movies. But isn’t that how we learn? Hollywood teaches us life- lessons so we don’t have to experience hardships first-hand? Thank you Hollywood with all of your INFINITE WISDOM!

From what I’ve experienced, most homeless people are docile. If you ever happen to stumble across a scene where you are surrounded by scary homeless dudes, here’s my advice; make eye contact and agree that their anger is everyone else’s fault.

And yes — it appears — the homeless do enjoy getting drunk and high.


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