In less than 10 days, a total solar eclipse will take place. The anticipated tourism boost has some U.S. towns freaking out. The biggest issue seems to be whether or not they’ll have enough Port-A-Potties.
If you haven’t heard, it has been 99 years since the last total solar eclipse and 7.4 million geeky armchair astrologers are stoked.
You won’t find me anywhere near big crowds at the path of totality. I went to a Nascar race once. When it was over, I tried to stumble to my car with 300,000 other drunk people. It was hell on earth.
Each one of these people are planning to drag their family to the path of totality. Like flies flocking to a stinky fresh turd, they will witness the moon blocking the sun for 2 minutes — then clap and get in their car to go home.
With the frightful lack of Port-A-Potties at these eclipse boom-towns, scientists are predicting the worst case of country-side defecation the U.S. has seen since the Civil War.
I witnessed my first crop circles in a field of wheat. They weren’t quite as elaborate as what I recall seeing on TV. They were the opposite — pathetic. Whoever, or whatever, created them did a sloppy job.
I have a lot of curiosity about crop circles. They seem so elaborate and grandiose. Some folks believe no human could have created them. Reporters and other nuts theorized that aliens were responsible. Unfortunately, no aliens could be reached for comment.
Who, or what, left these huge circles in my neighborhood was anyone’s guess. Were they a hoax? Did an alien space-ship land here? Could it have been militant ANTI-GLUTEN terrorists?
I snapped a few pictures from afar, but didn’t dare set foot into the field to conduct my own version of CSI: South Beloit. It is common knowledge that there is a family of skunks in my neighborhood. For all I know, they were luring me into their trap to make me smell awful.
If this was a hoax, I think these pranksters should find a new hobby. A blindfolded pack of rhinos playing hopscotch could have coordinated better.
If an alien space ship was responsible, I think their space-boosters were a little kitty wampus.
It was probably just a few drunk teenagers that did it. At that age, I would have pulled a stunt like that.