People Don’t Like Engineers, For Good Reason

People don’t like engineers very much, at least not in the way they like Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah does many great things: she smiles, informs, and gives away free stuff. What did any engineer ever do for mankind? They don’t usually smile, they take themselves too seriously, and from my experience, indulge prematurely in seconds of the coffee-cake someone brought into the office last Friday.

Engineers are smart, but the problem is that they know it. When you tell them something, instead of nodding their head, they’re immediately looking to debunk you or tell you how you were wrong … or how you forgot to consider your calculations. When they’re truly wrong, they’ll resort to obscure verbiage, machinery handbooks, or formulas to throw you off their bullshit trail.

Engineers are introverted. That isn’t a bad thing … actually, it is a bad thing. Nobody likes an introvert. If the world were more full of people like Richard Simmons and Kathy Griffin – it would be a better place to live.

I believe most engineers feel they do not need friends. As long as they have their graphing calculator and pocket protector, those are the only friends they need.

 

When Is The Best Time To Go Vegan?

When is the best time to go Vegan? For me, it was this week.

If you have read some of my other blogs, you might have caught on that I love pizza, tacos, and cheeseburgers.

Flipping my world upside-down to go Vegan has been rough. It appears though, that I won’t have to grieve over not visiting all of my favorite fast food joints for long. The same week I go Vegan, the officials at McDonalds devised a plan to keep long-time patrons “on the hook.” They just released the McVegan; a plant-based hamburger. Sure, it’s only being served in Finland right now, but it won’t be long before it’s in the U.S.

This timing is impeccable, I thought I would have to start frequenting new places like farmer’s markets and the produce section of the grocery store. But now … I can continue to frequent McDonalds; which has been dishing me out amazing Happy Meals since I was 3 years old.

The grieving process has had it’s ups and downs … but looks like Ronald McDonald and friends don’t really want guys like me to suffer too long.

Homeless Bastards Scare Me

Despite having nothing going for them, I find that most homeless people are TREMENDOUS conversationalists.

As I was riding my bike to work, I ran into a group of homeless men on an abandoned bridge. One of them, with a beer in his hand, hollered “Where do you work?”

I felt uncomfortable admitting that I owned a business. I worried that one of them might ask me for a job, then I’d have to tell them “no.” So I just told them I worked downtown.

The angriest fella aggressively asked “Do they pay cash the same day?” I said, “no they don’t … sorry.” Then he exclaimed there was NO WAY he was going to work anywhere that doesn’t pay cash the same day. I was a bit scared after that.

Regardless, out of concern for my safety — I tightened my backpack straps — I needed an immediate exit strategy from this conversation.

My heart goes out to all people in struggle … when I’m in a safe space like my home. But when I am vulnerable on the streets, I am an “expect the best, but be prepared for the worst” kind of guy. The root of that, I realize, stems from having seen too many movies. But isn’t that how we learn? Hollywood teaches us life- lessons so we don’t have to experience hardships first-hand? Thank you Hollywood with all of your INFINITE WISDOM!

From what I’ve experienced, most homeless people are docile. If you ever happen to stumble across a scene where you are surrounded by scary homeless dudes, here’s my advice; make eye contact and agree that their anger is everyone else’s fault.

And yes — it appears — the homeless do enjoy getting drunk and high.