Twelve Phone Trolls & Two Bored Kids

I witnessed an increasingly common situation plaguing humanity today. In a park, 12 adults on their phones managed to neglect the hell out of 2 kids they were watching.

I get it … adulthood has many responsibilities: voting, work, and hiding presents from “Santa.”

Neglecting kids is one of those things that can come back to bite you. When I am older and can no longer care for myself, I don’t want a heroin-addicted CNA wiping my ass.

This group of adults also forgot a Frisbee, a baseball glove, and a football. If any one of them cared at all, they would have noticed there wasn’t a single swing at this park.

It is safe to assume that these kids will grow up to be very technically savvy, and have abandonment issues. They may torture small animals or worse, live with mom and dad until they’re 38.

Did one of the adults say, “let’s go to the park and play Words With Friends on our phones?” … Then did the others agree to this insanity?

Why were they at a park gobbling up data on their cell phone plan, when they could have been streaming data over their WIFI at home?

I have learned that the best way to give children guidance is to be the example. These folks are clueless. Children are the future … even the ones that wipe butts for a living.

Pretty soon, the National Park Service will install WIFI at Yellowstone, just to allure the phone trolls.

My Fifth Grader Is Smarter Than Me

One time, when my son was 2, he threw a conniption fit in the car.  To redirect him, I said, “Hey buddy, check out that semi.”  He looked over his shoulder, turned his head back to me and said, “Dad, that is a flatbed, not a semi.”

Unbeknownst to me, there was a difference. At least someone was paying attention when I read those dozens of truck picture books to him at bedtime.

His report card just came in — straight A’s. I never got straight A’s.

His mom and I joked that one day we won’t be able to help him with his homework.  Our prophecy has arrived early – that day is now.

As I helped him with his homework last week, I realized — this shit is above my pay grade. I did the only logical thing anyone could do; I yelled at him for not paying better attention in class.

I think I just have to face the fact that my fifth grader is smarter than I am.

If that’s the case, who will help him with his homework for the next 8 years? What if he starts calling me “dumbass” in front of my friends?