Clergymen Shouldn’t Get To Have All The Fun

Your wedding day is one of the most important days in most people’s lives…until you get divorced. Then, it magically turns into one of the most regretful days of your life. I know from experience.

To my surprise, my sister and her fiancé asked me to officiate their wedding. I am not a minister, I’m an engineer. I had to immediately ask “How can I marry you?” To which they replied, “It is easy, just go check out this website.”

Unbeknownst to me, to marry people today, you don’t need 8 years OR even 8 months of college. All you need is an internet connection and 8 seconds of your time. I wanted to be a good big brother, so after thinking about it for a minute, I said “Of course!”

Clergymen everywhere must be angry as hell about this. The process to become ordained is, literally, 10 times easier than getting a library card. Once you register online and receive your confirmation email –BAM– you’re ordained. Then you order some paperwork online and are ready for business.

There are no requirements. In fact, even a psychopathic serial killer can unite lovebirds.

Before I was married, I remember our pastor counseling us. His advice helped greatly. I was considering giving my sister and fiancé some marriage advice … until I realized that their chances are better if I just keep my damn mouth shut.

The Internet is great. During my 8 seconds of waiting to become ordained, I found a clergy robe on Ebay for $2.99 + shipping. It was a Halloween costume…but still.

Most couples desire a man of the cloth to wed them on their “special” day. My sister is the only person in history to exclaim, “Screw a minister—my bro can do it!”