When is the best time to go Vegan? For me, it was this week.
If you have read some of my other blogs, you might have caught on that I love pizza, tacos, and cheeseburgers.
Flipping my world upside-down to go Vegan has been rough. It appears though, that I won’t have to grieve over not visiting all of my favorite fast food joints for long. The same week I go Vegan, the officials at McDonalds devised a plan to keep long-time patrons “on the hook.” They just released the McVegan; a plant-based hamburger. Sure, it’s only being served in Finland right now, but it won’t be long before it’s in the U.S.
This timing is impeccable, I thought I would have to start frequenting new places like farmer’s markets and the produce section of the grocery store. But now … I can continue to frequent McDonalds; which has been dishing me out amazing Happy Meals since I was 3 years old.
The grieving process has had it’s ups and downs … but looks like Ronald McDonald and friends don’t really want guys like me to suffer too long.
I want to become a stand-up comedian, but there’s a small problem — I am an engineer.
People love laughing and comedians. People don’t like engineers very much. I only know this because my friends don’t call me back or invite me to do stuff.
In my early 20’s I wanted to be a rock star. I converted my bedroom into a recording studio. My father suggested I make getting a degree my “plan B.” I’m SO glad I listened to him. Of course I can’t speak to him about this comedian dream, because I couldn’t bear for him to be “right” again.
The career path of a comedian stinks, so I keep asking myself “why the hell I’m doing this?” In the beginning, you have to go to open-mic’s and practice, for no pay. Then once you start getting gigs, the pay, supposedly, usually doesn’t cover your travel costs.
So far, I have not stepped onto a stage to tell a joke. I can get up in front of people and talk, but doing stand-up in front of a crowd scares me.
Despite having nothing going for them, I find that most homeless people are TREMENDOUS conversationalists.
As I was riding my bike to work, I ran into a group of homeless men on an abandoned bridge. One of them, with a beer in his hand, hollered “Where do you work?”
I felt uncomfortable admitting that I owned a business. I worried that one of them might ask me for a job, then I’d have to tell them “no.” So I just told them I worked downtown.
The angriest fella aggressively asked “Do they pay cash the same day?” I said, “no they don’t … sorry.” Then he exclaimed there was NO WAY he was going to work anywhere that doesn’t pay cash the same day. I was a bit scared after that.
Regardless, out of concern for my safety — I tightened my backpack straps — I needed an immediate exit strategy from this conversation.
My heart goes out to all people in struggle … when I’m in a safe space like my home. But when I am vulnerable on the streets, I am an “expect the best, but be prepared for the worst” kind of guy. The root of that, I realize, stems from having seen too many movies. But isn’t that how we learn? Hollywood teaches us life- lessons so we don’t have to experience hardships first-hand? Thank you Hollywood with all of your INFINITE WISDOM!
From what I’ve experienced, most homeless people are docile. If you ever happen to stumble across a scene where you are surrounded by scary homeless dudes, here’s my advice; make eye contact and agree that their anger is everyone else’s fault.
And yes — it appears — the homeless do enjoy getting drunk and high.