When Is The Best Time To Go Vegan?

When is the best time to go Vegan? For me, it was this week.

If you have read some of my other blogs, you might have caught on that I love pizza, tacos, and cheeseburgers.

Flipping my world upside-down to go Vegan has been rough. It appears though, that I won’t have to grieve over not visiting all of my favorite fast food joints for long. The same week I go Vegan, the officials at McDonalds devised a plan to keep long-time patrons “on the hook.” They just released the McVegan; a plant-based hamburger. Sure, it’s only being served in Finland right now, but it won’t be long before it’s in the U.S.

This timing is impeccable, I thought I would have to start frequenting new places like farmer’s markets and the produce section of the grocery store. But now … I can continue to frequent McDonalds; which has been dishing me out amazing Happy Meals since I was 3 years old.

The grieving process has had it’s ups and downs … but looks like Ronald McDonald and friends don’t really want guys like me to suffer too long.

People Like Comedians More Than Engineers

I want to become a stand-up comedian, but there’s a small problem — I am an engineer.

People love laughing and comedians. People don’t like engineers very much. I only know this because my friends don’t call me back or invite me to do stuff.

In my early 20’s I wanted to be a rock star. I converted my bedroom into a recording studio. My father suggested I make getting a degree my “plan B.” I’m SO glad I listened to him. Of course I can’t speak to him about this comedian dream, because I couldn’t bear for him to be “right” again.

The career path of a comedian stinks, so I keep asking myself “why the hell I’m doing this?” In the beginning, you have to go to open-mic’s and practice, for no pay. Then once you start getting gigs, the pay, supposedly, usually doesn’t cover your travel costs.

So far, I have not stepped onto a stage to tell a joke. I can get up in front of people and talk, but doing stand-up in front of a crowd scares me.

Homeless Bastards Scare Me

Despite having nothing going for them, I find that most homeless people are TREMENDOUS conversationalists.

As I was riding my bike to work, I ran into a group of homeless men on an abandoned bridge. One of them, with a beer in his hand, hollered “Where do you work?”

I felt uncomfortable admitting that I owned a business. I worried that one of them might ask me for a job, then I’d have to tell them “no.” So I just told them I worked downtown.

The angriest fella aggressively asked “Do they pay cash the same day?” I said, “no they don’t … sorry.” Then he exclaimed there was NO WAY he was going to work anywhere that doesn’t pay cash the same day. I was a bit scared after that.

Regardless, out of concern for my safety — I tightened my backpack straps — I needed an immediate exit strategy from this conversation.

My heart goes out to all people in struggle … when I’m in a safe space like my home. But when I am vulnerable on the streets, I am an “expect the best, but be prepared for the worst” kind of guy. The root of that, I realize, stems from having seen too many movies. But isn’t that how we learn? Hollywood teaches us life- lessons so we don’t have to experience hardships first-hand? Thank you Hollywood with all of your INFINITE WISDOM!

From what I’ve experienced, most homeless people are docile. If you ever happen to stumble across a scene where you are surrounded by scary homeless dudes, here’s my advice; make eye contact and agree that their anger is everyone else’s fault.

And yes — it appears — the homeless do enjoy getting drunk and high.